ISIS Announces Pumpkin Spice Suicide Vest
NOVANEWS
Looking to capitalize on excitement over the start of autumn, ISIS has announced a new line of pumpkin spice suicide vests aimed at attracting new recruits.
“Martyrs will no longer have to wait until they are in paradise for their reward,” ISIS said in a LinkedIn post advertising an open position as a suicide bomber. “Their final breaths on Earth will be taking in the sweet smell of pumpkin flavor that can only mean autumn has arrived.”
The initiative received a cool reception in the Middle East, where many ISIS sympathizers said they are now less likely to join the terror group.
“It is not even October yet, and already I am seeing pumpkin spice falafel, pumpkin spice hummus and pumpkin spice camel’s milk,” one young Middle Eastern man told The Mideast Beast. “Now, I can’t even d...